Monday, November 28, 2011


Some new shows added at what are going to be unmissable events. More details soon.

28th Nov : Sonic (Lyon, France)
30th Nov : Ilot 13 (Geneva, Switzerland)
2nd Dec : Unit (Tokyo, Japan) - Incapacitants 30th Anniversary + Ramleh
4th Dec : Club Metro (Kyoto, Japan) + Ramleh
10th Dec : Occii (Amsterdam, Netherlands)

19th Jan : Rhiz (Vienna, Austria)
20th Jan : tbc (Prague, Czech Republic)
21st Jan : KLICKclub @ Kunsthaus 54 (Berlin, Germany)
26th Jan : Supersimetria (Barcelona, Spain) - Florian Hecker + Phill Niblock et al.
1st Feb : CTM12 Festival (Berlin, Germany)
4th Feb : (Manchester, UK) - Raime + Regis
14th-25th Feb : (USA)
21st Mar : Instants Chavirés (Paris, France)
29th-30th Mar : Avatarium Festival (Saint Étienne, France)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


(The Daily Star, 1/12/11)
Over the summer I got caught up in a stupid affair with a married bloke from my office.
I lost my head for the best part of ten weeks.

I drank too much, skipped work and really let myself down.

He and I visited a seedy hotel not far from our office where we had regular sex. I let him do all sorts of dirty things to me.

 We used sex toys, especially bondage straps. He took photos and videos on his mobile phone.

One night, he paid for a hooker from the street below to come up and have a threesome with us.

 She was a ballsy, matter-of-fact woman who clearly thought we were a couple of idiots with more money than sense. At the time, I thought we were being edgy and ironic.

 I thought it was so clever and funny. But now I look back and cry. How could I have been so stupid?

The most humiliating part is that my "love" dumped me soon after I helped him clear his overdraft. He was paranoid about his wife finding out about his “extra- curricular” spending.

 Now he’s with another girl from our office and I’m convinced he’s told her all about me.

 They’re together all the time, giggling and flirting.

The other day my mate took me to the pizza place next to work for her birthday and they were in there. 

I actually heard him snort with laughter as I arrived.

 He whispered something to her and she collapsed in a fit of giggles. I fled in tears.

Everyone keeps telling me to ignore them. They say he’s a snake with a horrible reputation. 

But I fell for him. At one point I even thought I loved him and asked him to leave his wife for me.

How does that make me look? And what does that say about my rubbish sense of judgment?

Uncle William says:
How does that make you look?! Your sense of judgment?!
The only thing it says about you is that you're no different to anyone else. You too suffer from that maddeningly incurable human disease of always having to be right and seen to be right. Fuck that shit.
I get that you think you made a mistake.
Well, so what? It's part of a process called learning.
Here specifically it was the priceless lesson that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with that asshole. And you even had some fun while that happened in the form of some delightfully corrupt reprehensible sex in a seedy hotel room.
Take pride in making mistakes, celebrate being wrong. It's attractive and I like you all the more for it.


Wednesday, November 09, 2011


 (The Daily Star, 9/11/11)
My girlfriend’s typical day goes something like this. Up at the crack of noon, beauty treatments, lunch and shopping until 4pm. Then it’s back home for Facebook, online browsing and catalogues until I stagger in at 6pm. She then lies back on the settee and orders me to cook her favourite foods while she watches soaps or chats to friends.

I’m left to clear up the flat, organise the washing and pay the bills, all on top of working a full day. To say she’s a diva is being nice. 
To say she’s a lazy, greedy, grasping brat is more the truth.
 I’m the only one earning any money, but it doesn’t cross her mind to pitch in or help out. 
All she does is take, take, take and demand more from me.
 She’s only just had her birthday and now she’s talking about what she wants for Christmas and the New Year (yep, I’m required to buy her a New Year present too). 
At the moment she’s also obsessed with where she wants to go on holiday next summer: Ibiza or somewhere more exotic. It’s all such a dilemma...

Come 10pm, just as I’m drying the last of the pots, she genuinely expects me to come over all romantic and whisk her off to bed for a night of passion. When I try to point out that I’m knackered and feel about as frisky as the dishcloth she goes into a major strop. She accuses me of neglecting her and not putting enough effort into our relationship. Ha. That’s a joke. I’m the only one putting any effort into anything.

Whenever I suggest her getting a job she says she won’t because she’s got a phobia about public transport and can’t get on a bus. If ever I beg her to help me around the flat she sniffs that it’s not her problem, because it’s not her flat, it’s mine.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

Uncle William says:
Every single time you give in to the demands, every time you tolerate her bratty behaviour, every time you beg for her help, she hates you just that little bit more.
To begin with, it was a test to see if you're man enough for her. And you failed. Not even a boy, you're a bitch wimp.
And now she's enjoying this free easy comfy ride perhaps occasionally recalling the dream of what being with a man would really be like. Being with that someone who'd call her on her bullshit, that someone who'd take her on his whims, that someone who'd ruthlessly expect her to be woman enough to have to deserve her rewards.
It's over, at least man up to tell her you're finished. This relationship is dead.